Imago Relationship Therapy

Imago Relationship Therapy for Couples, Families & Individuals in Long Island, New York

Imago Relationship Therapy is a structured, dialogue-based approach developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix & Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt. It was designed to transform relationship conflict into growth. Imago therapy helps couples understand childhood wounds, reduce blame, and build empathy through tools like “mirroring”.

It is highly effective for building communication and long-term, conscious relationships.

The word “imago” means “image” and refers to your unconscious image of love.

Imago therapy is great for couples wishing to improve communication, intimacy, and real understanding.

Learn to communicate effectively with your partner whether you are married, single, or dating.

Also effective for individuals and families!

We teach couples communication techniques that allow both to feel safe and connected as they talk about what they need.

Through Imago relationship therapy, learn to understand each other’s childhood wounds, allowing ultimate healing to move toward a more conscious future together.

There’s frequently a connection between frustrations in our adult relationships and our early childhood experiences.

For example, individuals who were frequently criticized as children may carry deep-seated emotional impacts into their adult romantic and platonic relationships.

This often results in heightened sensitivity to criticism or a tendency to unconsciously seek out similar, hurtful relationship dynamics.

This phenomenon can be explained through several psychological concepts:

1. Hypersensitivity to Criticism (The “Avoidant/Anxious” Response)
   
   Internalized Critic: Children who grew up in critical homes internalize that voice, making it their own internal dialogue as adults.
   
   Hypervigilance: They become highly sensitive to perceived criticism, even if neutral feedback is given, because they’re conditioned to look for signs of disapproval.
   
   Relationship Impact: This can cause them to shut down, act defensively, or feel insecure and unworthy, leading to relationship dissatisfaction.
   
   
2. Unconscious Attraction to Critical Partners (“Repetition Compulsion” Response)
   
   Familiarity = Comfort: People are often drawn to what feels familiar, even if it’s not healthy. A critical partner feels “comfortable” because it mirrors their childhood environment.
   
   Repetition Compulsion: This is an unconscious urge to recreate unresolved past traumas in an attempt to “fix” the past. The belief is that if they can finally get this new, similar partner to love them properly, they can heal the old wound.
   
   Low Self-Worth: If they were taught in childhood that they were “not good enough,” they may accept toxic, belittling behavior in adulthood, believing that is all they deserve.
   

Key behavioral manifestations can include:

• Sabotage: They may leave perfectly good relationships because they feel they are “not good enough”.
• People-Pleasing: To avoid the feared criticism, they may become over-accommodating to their partner, allowing themselves to be taken advantage of.
• Emotional Distance: As a defense mechanism, they withdraw to avoid being hurt again.

Imago therapy is effective for individuals as well.

Experience a safe environment to explore what’s getting in your way of maintaining healthy relationships.

We work to understand the patterns in your past and current relationships to identify areas for growth and healing, helping to create a life where successful relationships thrive.

Whether you’re struggling with anxiety, depression, addiction, trauma or anything else, we help you understand what’s going on underneath the surface.

Your conflict can be the very fuel for the fulfillment you seek.

Learning the Imago dialogue allows people to move from blame and reactivity, to understanding and empathy, so they can create a deeper, loving connection.

In the Imago dialogue, both parties agree to a basic ground rule: one person talks at a time.

There’s one person speaking or “sending”, and another who is listening or “receiving”.

When you are in the role of the receiver/listener, you will be exercising the three steps of Imago dialogue: Mirroring, Validation, Empathy.

After the sender has said all that they have to say, and the receiver has mirrored, validated and empathized, the whole process reverses.

The receiver now gets their turn to respond with whatever came up for them while listening. Now the sender shifts into being the new receiver who does the mirroring, validating and empathizing.

Also, a good thing to remember is that when partners trade places, the new sender doesn’t start a new topic, but responds to what the first sender said to complete the dialogue. We stay on one topic until both parties have spoken about it and responded.

Imago Couples Counseling – Imago Individual Counseling – Imago Family Counseling

Harville Hendrix, PhD & Helen Hunt, PhD are the founders of Imago relationship therapy. They’ve written over 10 books, including 3 New York Times bestsellers.

Marriage—even for marriage experts—is never easy. Just like any other couple, Harville and Helen experienced a power struggle where they attempted to change, coerce, and threaten each other to be “more like me.” A critical comment would degenerate into loud arguments. Blaming each other was a common focus of conversation.

After a decade of marriage, they found themselves teetering on the brink of divorce. As Harville and Helen routinely trained other therapists how to save marriages, they started to lose hope that their own relationship would survive. Facing the inevitable, they decided to give one last try and commit to do everything possible to salvage their relationship.

Ironically, their own teaching made the biggest difference. Harville & Helen experienced the benefit of “practicing what you preach” to overcome negativity and to lovingly communicate with each other. They reconnected through the exercises they now use to coach many other couples, restored their marriage, and enjoy a partnership that’s lasted over 30 years. Their story of hope and seasoned history of helping others uniquely qualifies Harville and Helen as true relationship experts.

** Please note that we do not accept insurance.
However, we can provide you with statements for OON benefits.

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