Unfair, unjust, and brutal… Scapegoating is a dangerous and often overlooked behavior in the realm of abuse. It ruins self-esteem, increases anger / depression, and crushes trust. So let’s explore what scapegoating is…
Scapegoating is a behavior of singling out a person/child/employee/member of a group of peers with the intention of giving them unmerited negative treatment or blame.
Scapegoat theory refers to the tendency to blame someone else for one’s own problems, a process that results in feelings of prejudice toward the person / group that one is blaming. Scapegoating serves as an opportunity to explain failure / misdeeds, while maintaining one’s positive self-image. It is a form of mobbing or bullying.
The word is used in sociology to describe group behavior involving the expulsion of one or more individuals from a group as a ‘scapegoat’ through which other members can relieve themselves of responsibility for their own actions by blaming the scapegoat for their problems.
For instance, for someone to become a scapegoat in a family situation, if they’re from an abusive or narcissistic family, then the parent(s) may have favored one of the siblings over the other(s); therefore making them feel left out due to lack of attention and validation from their parents.
How does scapegoating relate to childhood abuse?
According to the American Psychology Association, childhood abuse is any kind of mistreatment that occurs during the developmental years. This can include neglect in which parents fail to provide for a child’s basic needs, physical abuse such as slapping or hitting, and sexual abuse such as molestation and rape. Along with scapegoating, childhood abuse results in low self-esteem, depression and anxiety.
Being scapegoated can lead to other types of mental health problems. For example:
● You may use alcohol or drugs as a way to escape or cope with your troubles. This could lead to a serious addiction if the problem isn’t properly addressed.
How does scapegoating relate to workplace bullying?
Scapegoating in the workplace is often used to describe a situation where an employee is singled out by their boss or other colleagues. If you’ve ever been bullied at work, did you ever wonder why it happened to you? You may have asked yourself these questions:
● Why would anyone treat me like that?
● Why would anyone want to hurt me?
● What did I do wrong or what can I do differently so this doesn’t happen again in the future?
What is Scapegoating in Narcissistic Families?
In a narcissist family, the child is often scapegoated as the cause of all problems. This is done to deflect attention from the real problem—the narcissistic parent. The scapegoated child may be blamed for anything – from not getting good enough grades in school, to not being an athletic superstar at sports like her siblings are. The narcissist may also make false accusations about your child’s behavior or character, such as accusing him of stealing money when he didn’t, or that he’s lazy and stupid when he isn’t. He/She will use various tactics such as:
● Lying, denying things she said or did in front of you,
● Criticizing your parenting skills and/or choices (even if they’re positive),
● Manipulating others against you
● Poisoning other people’s opinions of your child by saying negative things behind closed doors while pretending to be on your side in public so that no one suspects her true motives.
In addition to being targeted by their mothers’ verbal attacks during childhood years, many adult children raised within narcissistic families have experienced physical violence inflicted upon them by parents. This happens due to its effectiveness at achieving desired outcomes: control over others through fear-mongering tactics.
How Can Counseling Help You Deal With This?
- Acknowledge how the scapegoating situation is harming you.
- Confirm and identify your feelings of anger, depression, shame, anxiety, etc.
- Understand who is scapegoating you.
- Develop a plan to deal with the behavior to avoid being scapegoated again in the future.
- Let go of unhealthy feelings toward those who’ve committed hostile acts against you.
It’s important not to keep these feelings bottled up inside where they can fester and grow. Releasing the negative energy in you is imperative.
If you feel that you are being scapegoated within your family, your group of friends, or at work, seeking help from a counselor can be beneficial to your livelihood. With individual counseling, you can talk over your unique issues with a trained therapist who will listen to what you have to say and offer guidance with 100% confidentiality.
