I think we have really good senses of humor and I also think that we show up as humans in our space and we do use a lot of humor because so many couples come in with so much pain and aren’t laughing, and that is also missing in the relationship.
I also find that use of self, that idea that this is an example of how I’ve applied this principle in my marriage. I’ve been married for about 23 years at this point, and we’ve had those ups and downs just like everybody else. We had to utilize what we’ve trained in with our spouses. I’ll let the evidence stand for itself in that we are still together with our spouses.
Sometimes, the desire to fight to be right is not the correct response. A lot of times, you have to back up and sometimes take a hit for the team just so that your partner can connect with their wound that they’re feeling and how you’re also bringing up an aggravator and also helping them to come to a place of solidifying and rectifying.
We are solution-focused. It’s about creating solution in therapy, not creating more strife.
I also think there needs to be a shift in our listening capabilities because oftentimes people listen to respond. They’re not listening to understand. It’s pretty easy to point out what the other person has done wrong. But how much more difficult is it for you to point the finger at yourself, look in the mirror and see, this is what I’m doing to contribute to my partner feeling upset about me.
It takes growth, inner work, and a willingness to change. If you’re not really willing to change, to listen/hear what the other person is saying and empathize with the emotions behind the words, then we have a problem.
