Emotional invalidation is the act of dismissing / rejecting someone’s thoughts, feelings, or behaviors. It says to someone, “Your feelings don’t matter, or your feelings are wrong.” Emotional invalidation can take many forms, but the end result is usually the same. It makes someone feel unimportant / irrational for having feelings.
If your partner doesn’t allow you to express emotions freely, or criticizes you for what you express to them, it causes a huge divide within your relationship.
When a person hears someone challenging them about what they feel about something, they start to question their own emotions. (A.K.A. gaslighting).
So in the process (typically), that’s the guy, and the guy will just shut down and not say anything anymore, because he’s being accused of emoting ‘improperly’. Then it becomes a greater issue. And just to be fair, it does happen the other way as well. I’ve seen women shutting themselves off to their husbands as well..
Your feelings and emotions matter. There are many well-intentioned invalidators out there, but that doesn’t change the reality of the situation, so it’s imperative to talk to your spouse / partner about the invalidation.
If you aren’t getting any success on your own as a couple, perhaps a counselor can help the conversation along. They can help you work through any relationship issues and attain better emotional health.
